Pavement

Dear Lucia,

It's been a while since I've written you, but I thought I should remind you of the moment we shared this evening. Your mom left for a get-together and pilates tonight and the two of us stayed behind. Tonight, I played some music for you.

We listened to Pavement's Slanted and Enchanted, which sort of describes you at this point in your life. I actually own the vinyl version of this album, so you experienced the double treat of listening to one of the best albums of the past twenty years on the softer, earthier tones of vinyl.

We danced and you kicked a ton to side A. It occurred to me that "Summer Babe" is a perfect song for you. I can't wait to enjoy the summer with you. You'll be taking first steps and all of that. You will be my summer babe.

"Conduit for Sale!" caused you some discomfort, which it has always done for any girl/woman in my life - aside from your aunt. Luckily, the hook on "Zurich Is Stained" brought you back down. Well, it may have been the dancing in front of the mirror, but I prefer to think that you have a real appreciation for Pavement.

Side B, in my opinion, is the better side of Slanted. You responded appropriately with some rambunctious kicks and wide-eyed enthusiasm. You really responded well to "Two States" and "Perfume-V", but it was the break in "Fame Throwa" that really got you all riled up. Your good mood actually held up all the way to the end of the final track, "Our Singer."

This was your first official exposure to Pavement and it went well. You've heard random songs by your daddy's favorite band, but this is the first time we've sat down together just to listen to an entire album together. This won't be the last. You will become rather familiar with Pavement whether you like it or not.

You might like some pretty crappy bands over your lifetime, but Pavement will always be one of the first bands of your life.

Love,

Dad

Four Funerals and a Wedding

Dear Lucia,

Although you won't remember it, you have traveled to you mother's home of Detroit twice in a two-week period. The reason was a wedding and funeral. You have been to two of the more important events in your extended family's existence and you're barely two months old.

The fact is that your mother has a very large family. This means that you will have several more events like these to attend. Most of your extended family (including my half) live in the Great Lakes region (Michigan, Ohio, Pennsylvania, etc.), so you will become very familiar with this area.

The wedding was for you mom's cousin. Weddings bring people together as it is a celebration of two people who love each other and want to commit their lives to one another. Your grandparents have done it. Your mother (by the grace of god) married me. Your aunties Tara and Susan did it right before you were born. Lots of people do it. (Of course, some voters in California and other states only think certain people should have this right, but that's a letter for another time.)

It also celebrates the induction of a new family member. For example, when your mother and I got hitched, she became part of my family and I joined hers. Whether we like it or not, when we marry (or make some sort of formal commitment), we are also saying that we accept our loved one's family as our own.

This past weekend, we attended the funeral for your mom's grandfather. He was the patriarch of your Grandma Barb's clan. He was a great man whom your mother will tell you all about someday. It was a rather sad loss for the family to lose an important piece of its history.

Although the funeral was a sad affair, it was also very life-affirming. I attribute some of the happiness to you. Although your mom's family lost someone very dear to them, you entered and gave hope for the future. It also allowed the family to celebrate your arrival in dealing with their sadness. Just as the wedding from the previous week helped welcome a new family member, your birth and subsequent trips to Detroit signaled a new beginning for your mother's family.

So, you have a very important part in your Grandma Barb's family lore. There's nothing you have to live up to. You just have to live your life and be you. So, welcome to the family, Little.

Love,

Dad

Barack Obama

Dear Lucia,

Last night, Senator Barack Obama won the election for President of the United States of America. Obama became the first African-American to win the highest office in our country's government. He did this with a campaign based on hope, change, and populist ideals. Our new president has also displayed tremendous leadership, an uncanny resolve, and an intellect absent from a modern political discourse that is riddled with partisanship and pettiness. Barack Obama has proven himself to be a remarkable candidate.

President Obama's victory was more than just a man winning an election for public office. It was a social and cultural event like none other in my lifetime. I have been overwhelmed with emotion due to joy three times in my life. First, I wept and earned the title "Waterworks" when I married your mother. Second, Your arrival a little over seven months ago was maybe the most amazing, beautiful thing I have ever witnessed. I cried so uncontrollably that I could barely answer the hospital staff when they asked for your name. Now, there's Obama's win. I have teared up and choked back cries of joy ever since the election was called in his favor. It has overwhelmed me with pride and emotion.

What Obama's victory means is that anything is possible. A black man named Barack Hussein Obama was chosen to lead our country because he is the most qualified person for the job. People looked beyond ignorant stereotypes and fear to see a leader in Mr. Obama. Hope was not just a campaign slogan or theme. The word is personified by Barack Obama. It's now possible for any kids, no matter her race, gender, wealth (or lack of) can reasonably be president.

It's a good day to live in the US, Lucia. The possibilities with this victory are endless for you and your generation. Barack Obama ran on a campaign of hope and promise. You will grow up in his America. I'd say that's a good way for you to start.

Love,

Dad

All Appologies

Dear Lucia,

Sometimes we make a mistake or poor judgment which results in hurting someone. When you're young, the hurt tends to be physical. The hurt becomes emotional as you grow older. In either case, you will have to apologize for your actions. It doesn't matter whether you meant to hurt the other person or not. The fact remains that you have done something to hurt another person and you must rectify the situation.

Believe it or not, even your dear old dad has hurt someone. I've offended acquaintances, friends, significant others, and even family. In all of those cases, I had to own up to my actions and apologize. There were times I didn't want to say I was sorry, but in the end, it was the right thing to do.

An apology is like a gift you leave at some one's door. They can take it or leave it outside. That's not for you to decide. Your job is to apologize when you've done wrong and don't worry whether the person you hurt accepts it or not.

Whatever you do, always be sincere in your apologies. Don't apologize unless you really mean it. No one wants an insincere apology. It's better to not say you're sorry at all than to lie or say something you don't mean. Of course, that also means if you feel deep in your heart that you did nothing wrong, don't apologize just for the sake of smoothing things over. Basically, mean it every time you say you're sorry or don't apologize at all.

Another thing, don't apologize with conditions. In other words, don't say your sorry on the condition that the other party is also sorry. And don't apologize by blaming the victim. It doesn't count then.

In advance, I will apologize for a few things I will undoubtedly do to you. I apologize for inadvertently making you self-conscious about your appearance your abilities. I apologize for not always taking your needs and wants into consideration when making decisions that affect you.

I apologize for not understanding your interests. I apologize for trying to force you to like my music. I apologize for not approving of your friends and significant others automatically. I apologize for being too overprotective. I apologize for putting your education ahead of any of your other interests. And I apologize for any other way in which I will undoubtedly hurt you over your lifetime.

There it is. I practice what I preach. That's how you apologize.

Love,

Dad

The Lowered Expectations of Soft Bigotry

Dear Lucia,

Your Granny and Pappy have some friends, J and K, that I have known since I was a kid. Pappy has known the couple forever. Your granny often walks with K in the park near where they live. Our families have done many, many things together. You grandparents even visited J and K at their time-share in Florida. These are old, family friends of your Granny and Pappy.

Normally, I wouldn't hesitate to introduce to two close friends like J and K, but something has changed. Well, maybe nothing has changed in J and K, but they have said things that make me believe that they would not be a positive influence on you. Let me explain...

There was a discussion about the current presidential election between Barack Obama and John McCain. J and K said that they could not vote for Obama because they believe him to be Muslim. While this is not true, Granny asked, "So what if he was?" Exactly, Granny.

This is what we call "bigotry." Bigotry is an intolerance of anyone who is different from one's self. While I cannot protect you from all bigotry, I can make some decisions to limit its place in your life. It is doubtful that you will meet J and K while I'm around. This makes me sad. They are normally good people, but I don't want bigotry to exist in your life.

Instead of meeting your grandparents' bigoted friends, I will do what I can to surround you with people who don't discriminate based on race, gender, sexual orientation, or religious beliefs. Of course, you may have to deal with such intolerance at some point in your life, but I don't want to to be the one who brings it into your life. I will introduce you to friends and family who have strong character, know right from wrong, and do not discriminate. If you want to know J and K, you'll have to ask Granny and Pappy about them.

I don't know if I have made it clear in this letter, but it should be noted that your grandparents are not like their friends. They raised me to accept people for the strength of their character, not their religious beliefs - actual or otherwise. The same goes for anything else that might make someone different from myself.

I will do my best to set a good example for you. Bigotry has no place in our home or family.

Love,

Dad

Baby Acne

Dear Lucia,

You have come down with a bad case of baby acne over the past week. This doesn't mean much to you now, but you will be devastated when you hit adolescence and your second wave of acne hits. Not to worry, it's thought that baby acne clears up in a few months. More than likely, it's a case of you mother's hormones still raging inside of you.

As mentioned above, this will not be the last time you deal with acne. Hopefully, your acne will be like ours: a mild nuisance that reoccurs periodically throughout life. Notice that I mentioned it will occur throughout life. Most people think it only happens during puberty, but you already know that is not true. Acne, to varying degrees, will happen for your entire life.

This is nothing to worry about. In our eyes, you are the most beautiful thing we've ever seen, but we are kinda biased. What will really matters is the kind of person you become. If you are kind, thoughtful, diligent, smart, quick, careful, responsible, responsive, caring, consistent, and respectful, it won't matter what you look like. People will judge you for your actions, not your appearance.

Now, keep in mind, this will not include the jerks in your middle school. They will tease you relentlessly for whatever they can find in order to cover up their own shortcomings. Of course, this is another letter for me to write at another time. For now, you should know that the acne will subside, but your character will define you forever.

Love,

Dad

There's Nothing Wrong with Love

Dear Lucia,

A while back, I wrote some blog posts about the music I wanted to play for you. Of course, that was before I knew you. I didn't know whether you'd like my music or not. I just wanted you to gain the same joy from music that I get every time I put on a record or see a band live.

So, tonight I played for you Built to Spill's 1994 classic There's Nothing with Love. Isn't that the greatest, most hopeful title for an album ever? You snuggled up in the Moby wrap while I swayed and danced to the record. We only made it through side A, but I could tell that the songs put you at ease. You recognized "Once" and "Car" from all the nights I sang you those songs.

Then, for the first time, you let me feed you through a bottle without much fuss. This is a big step since your mom needs a break every once in a while from the feedings. It's not that she doesn't love nursing you, but sometimes we all need a break.

You don't have to love this record, but you should know how much it means to me. The naivete and sense of wonder this album fills me is similar to how I feel when I watch you. Every day you seem to be more and more aware of the world around you. And every day, your mother and I fall more and more in love with you. I didn't think anyone (besides your mom) could make me feel the way a record like this does. I love this album, but I love you infinitely more, Lucia. And like I said, we are learning to love you more every day.

After all, there really is nothing wrong with love. Is there?

Love,

Dad