All Appologies

Dear Lucia,

Sometimes we make a mistake or poor judgment which results in hurting someone. When you're young, the hurt tends to be physical. The hurt becomes emotional as you grow older. In either case, you will have to apologize for your actions. It doesn't matter whether you meant to hurt the other person or not. The fact remains that you have done something to hurt another person and you must rectify the situation.

Believe it or not, even your dear old dad has hurt someone. I've offended acquaintances, friends, significant others, and even family. In all of those cases, I had to own up to my actions and apologize. There were times I didn't want to say I was sorry, but in the end, it was the right thing to do.

An apology is like a gift you leave at some one's door. They can take it or leave it outside. That's not for you to decide. Your job is to apologize when you've done wrong and don't worry whether the person you hurt accepts it or not.

Whatever you do, always be sincere in your apologies. Don't apologize unless you really mean it. No one wants an insincere apology. It's better to not say you're sorry at all than to lie or say something you don't mean. Of course, that also means if you feel deep in your heart that you did nothing wrong, don't apologize just for the sake of smoothing things over. Basically, mean it every time you say you're sorry or don't apologize at all.

Another thing, don't apologize with conditions. In other words, don't say your sorry on the condition that the other party is also sorry. And don't apologize by blaming the victim. It doesn't count then.

In advance, I will apologize for a few things I will undoubtedly do to you. I apologize for inadvertently making you self-conscious about your appearance your abilities. I apologize for not always taking your needs and wants into consideration when making decisions that affect you.

I apologize for not understanding your interests. I apologize for trying to force you to like my music. I apologize for not approving of your friends and significant others automatically. I apologize for being too overprotective. I apologize for putting your education ahead of any of your other interests. And I apologize for any other way in which I will undoubtedly hurt you over your lifetime.

There it is. I practice what I preach. That's how you apologize.

Love,

Dad

The Lowered Expectations of Soft Bigotry

Dear Lucia,

Your Granny and Pappy have some friends, J and K, that I have known since I was a kid. Pappy has known the couple forever. Your granny often walks with K in the park near where they live. Our families have done many, many things together. You grandparents even visited J and K at their time-share in Florida. These are old, family friends of your Granny and Pappy.

Normally, I wouldn't hesitate to introduce to two close friends like J and K, but something has changed. Well, maybe nothing has changed in J and K, but they have said things that make me believe that they would not be a positive influence on you. Let me explain...

There was a discussion about the current presidential election between Barack Obama and John McCain. J and K said that they could not vote for Obama because they believe him to be Muslim. While this is not true, Granny asked, "So what if he was?" Exactly, Granny.

This is what we call "bigotry." Bigotry is an intolerance of anyone who is different from one's self. While I cannot protect you from all bigotry, I can make some decisions to limit its place in your life. It is doubtful that you will meet J and K while I'm around. This makes me sad. They are normally good people, but I don't want bigotry to exist in your life.

Instead of meeting your grandparents' bigoted friends, I will do what I can to surround you with people who don't discriminate based on race, gender, sexual orientation, or religious beliefs. Of course, you may have to deal with such intolerance at some point in your life, but I don't want to to be the one who brings it into your life. I will introduce you to friends and family who have strong character, know right from wrong, and do not discriminate. If you want to know J and K, you'll have to ask Granny and Pappy about them.

I don't know if I have made it clear in this letter, but it should be noted that your grandparents are not like their friends. They raised me to accept people for the strength of their character, not their religious beliefs - actual or otherwise. The same goes for anything else that might make someone different from myself.

I will do my best to set a good example for you. Bigotry has no place in our home or family.

Love,

Dad

Baby Acne

Dear Lucia,

You have come down with a bad case of baby acne over the past week. This doesn't mean much to you now, but you will be devastated when you hit adolescence and your second wave of acne hits. Not to worry, it's thought that baby acne clears up in a few months. More than likely, it's a case of you mother's hormones still raging inside of you.

As mentioned above, this will not be the last time you deal with acne. Hopefully, your acne will be like ours: a mild nuisance that reoccurs periodically throughout life. Notice that I mentioned it will occur throughout life. Most people think it only happens during puberty, but you already know that is not true. Acne, to varying degrees, will happen for your entire life.

This is nothing to worry about. In our eyes, you are the most beautiful thing we've ever seen, but we are kinda biased. What will really matters is the kind of person you become. If you are kind, thoughtful, diligent, smart, quick, careful, responsible, responsive, caring, consistent, and respectful, it won't matter what you look like. People will judge you for your actions, not your appearance.

Now, keep in mind, this will not include the jerks in your middle school. They will tease you relentlessly for whatever they can find in order to cover up their own shortcomings. Of course, this is another letter for me to write at another time. For now, you should know that the acne will subside, but your character will define you forever.

Love,

Dad

There's Nothing Wrong with Love

Dear Lucia,

A while back, I wrote some blog posts about the music I wanted to play for you. Of course, that was before I knew you. I didn't know whether you'd like my music or not. I just wanted you to gain the same joy from music that I get every time I put on a record or see a band live.

So, tonight I played for you Built to Spill's 1994 classic There's Nothing with Love. Isn't that the greatest, most hopeful title for an album ever? You snuggled up in the Moby wrap while I swayed and danced to the record. We only made it through side A, but I could tell that the songs put you at ease. You recognized "Once" and "Car" from all the nights I sang you those songs.

Then, for the first time, you let me feed you through a bottle without much fuss. This is a big step since your mom needs a break every once in a while from the feedings. It's not that she doesn't love nursing you, but sometimes we all need a break.

You don't have to love this record, but you should know how much it means to me. The naivete and sense of wonder this album fills me is similar to how I feel when I watch you. Every day you seem to be more and more aware of the world around you. And every day, your mother and I fall more and more in love with you. I didn't think anyone (besides your mom) could make me feel the way a record like this does. I love this album, but I love you infinitely more, Lucia. And like I said, we are learning to love you more every day.

After all, there really is nothing wrong with love. Is there?

Love,

Dad