Tonight, You Sang

Dear Lucia,

Tonight, we took you to your fourth holiday party in a week. Like the good sport you are, you tolerated the noise and being kept up way past your bedtime. In fact, you may have been the hit of this party.

Tonight's party was a Winter Solstice celebration, held by your mother's doula. I'll get into this more later, but many of the Pagan celebrations have been misappropriated by Christians for their own holidays. This is technically the Christian holiday for Christmas, the birth of Jesus Christ. However, Pagans had way better ideas for celebrating this time of year than Christians.

Anyway, during this Solstice party, some bluegrass was played. Party-goers began plucking away at guitars, banjos, a ukulele, and something consisting of a string, bamboo, and a bucket. The music was fun and made everyone feel comfortable and warm.

Your mother was holding you. As she turned you out so that you could see the musicians play, these shrieks came from your mouth. You sang for the first time tonight. Your voice surpassed the cooing that had been going on for weeks to this holler that was heard by all.

I saw this coming, but it finally struck me how wonderful it is. Lucia, I heard your voice and nothing was ever more beautiful to me. I could listen to you sing for the rest of my life...and I probably will.

So, keep singing, shouting, squealing, yelling, or whatever you do that expresses how you feel. I don't ever want to silence your voice. And you shouldn't let anyone silence you. Use your voice, Lucia. Make yourself be heard the way you did tonight.

Love,
Dad

Sometimes

Dear Lucia,

Sometimes your dad gets on your mom's nerves. He doesn't mean to. It just sort of happens when people live together and love each other. Don't worry. I'll love your mommy forever.

Love,
Dad

Pavement

Dear Lucia,

It's been a while since I've written you, but I thought I should remind you of the moment we shared this evening. Your mom left for a get-together and pilates tonight and the two of us stayed behind. Tonight, I played some music for you.

We listened to Pavement's Slanted and Enchanted, which sort of describes you at this point in your life. I actually own the vinyl version of this album, so you experienced the double treat of listening to one of the best albums of the past twenty years on the softer, earthier tones of vinyl.

We danced and you kicked a ton to side A. It occurred to me that "Summer Babe" is a perfect song for you. I can't wait to enjoy the summer with you. You'll be taking first steps and all of that. You will be my summer babe.

"Conduit for Sale!" caused you some discomfort, which it has always done for any girl/woman in my life - aside from your aunt. Luckily, the hook on "Zurich Is Stained" brought you back down. Well, it may have been the dancing in front of the mirror, but I prefer to think that you have a real appreciation for Pavement.

Side B, in my opinion, is the better side of Slanted. You responded appropriately with some rambunctious kicks and wide-eyed enthusiasm. You really responded well to "Two States" and "Perfume-V", but it was the break in "Fame Throwa" that really got you all riled up. Your good mood actually held up all the way to the end of the final track, "Our Singer."

This was your first official exposure to Pavement and it went well. You've heard random songs by your daddy's favorite band, but this is the first time we've sat down together just to listen to an entire album together. This won't be the last. You will become rather familiar with Pavement whether you like it or not.

You might like some pretty crappy bands over your lifetime, but Pavement will always be one of the first bands of your life.

Love,

Dad

Four Funerals and a Wedding

Dear Lucia,

Although you won't remember it, you have traveled to you mother's home of Detroit twice in a two-week period. The reason was a wedding and funeral. You have been to two of the more important events in your extended family's existence and you're barely two months old.

The fact is that your mother has a very large family. This means that you will have several more events like these to attend. Most of your extended family (including my half) live in the Great Lakes region (Michigan, Ohio, Pennsylvania, etc.), so you will become very familiar with this area.

The wedding was for you mom's cousin. Weddings bring people together as it is a celebration of two people who love each other and want to commit their lives to one another. Your grandparents have done it. Your mother (by the grace of god) married me. Your aunties Tara and Susan did it right before you were born. Lots of people do it. (Of course, some voters in California and other states only think certain people should have this right, but that's a letter for another time.)

It also celebrates the induction of a new family member. For example, when your mother and I got hitched, she became part of my family and I joined hers. Whether we like it or not, when we marry (or make some sort of formal commitment), we are also saying that we accept our loved one's family as our own.

This past weekend, we attended the funeral for your mom's grandfather. He was the patriarch of your Grandma Barb's clan. He was a great man whom your mother will tell you all about someday. It was a rather sad loss for the family to lose an important piece of its history.

Although the funeral was a sad affair, it was also very life-affirming. I attribute some of the happiness to you. Although your mom's family lost someone very dear to them, you entered and gave hope for the future. It also allowed the family to celebrate your arrival in dealing with their sadness. Just as the wedding from the previous week helped welcome a new family member, your birth and subsequent trips to Detroit signaled a new beginning for your mother's family.

So, you have a very important part in your Grandma Barb's family lore. There's nothing you have to live up to. You just have to live your life and be you. So, welcome to the family, Little.

Love,

Dad

Barack Obama

Dear Lucia,

Last night, Senator Barack Obama won the election for President of the United States of America. Obama became the first African-American to win the highest office in our country's government. He did this with a campaign based on hope, change, and populist ideals. Our new president has also displayed tremendous leadership, an uncanny resolve, and an intellect absent from a modern political discourse that is riddled with partisanship and pettiness. Barack Obama has proven himself to be a remarkable candidate.

President Obama's victory was more than just a man winning an election for public office. It was a social and cultural event like none other in my lifetime. I have been overwhelmed with emotion due to joy three times in my life. First, I wept and earned the title "Waterworks" when I married your mother. Second, Your arrival a little over seven months ago was maybe the most amazing, beautiful thing I have ever witnessed. I cried so uncontrollably that I could barely answer the hospital staff when they asked for your name. Now, there's Obama's win. I have teared up and choked back cries of joy ever since the election was called in his favor. It has overwhelmed me with pride and emotion.

What Obama's victory means is that anything is possible. A black man named Barack Hussein Obama was chosen to lead our country because he is the most qualified person for the job. People looked beyond ignorant stereotypes and fear to see a leader in Mr. Obama. Hope was not just a campaign slogan or theme. The word is personified by Barack Obama. It's now possible for any kids, no matter her race, gender, wealth (or lack of) can reasonably be president.

It's a good day to live in the US, Lucia. The possibilities with this victory are endless for you and your generation. Barack Obama ran on a campaign of hope and promise. You will grow up in his America. I'd say that's a good way for you to start.

Love,

Dad

All Appologies

Dear Lucia,

Sometimes we make a mistake or poor judgment which results in hurting someone. When you're young, the hurt tends to be physical. The hurt becomes emotional as you grow older. In either case, you will have to apologize for your actions. It doesn't matter whether you meant to hurt the other person or not. The fact remains that you have done something to hurt another person and you must rectify the situation.

Believe it or not, even your dear old dad has hurt someone. I've offended acquaintances, friends, significant others, and even family. In all of those cases, I had to own up to my actions and apologize. There were times I didn't want to say I was sorry, but in the end, it was the right thing to do.

An apology is like a gift you leave at some one's door. They can take it or leave it outside. That's not for you to decide. Your job is to apologize when you've done wrong and don't worry whether the person you hurt accepts it or not.

Whatever you do, always be sincere in your apologies. Don't apologize unless you really mean it. No one wants an insincere apology. It's better to not say you're sorry at all than to lie or say something you don't mean. Of course, that also means if you feel deep in your heart that you did nothing wrong, don't apologize just for the sake of smoothing things over. Basically, mean it every time you say you're sorry or don't apologize at all.

Another thing, don't apologize with conditions. In other words, don't say your sorry on the condition that the other party is also sorry. And don't apologize by blaming the victim. It doesn't count then.

In advance, I will apologize for a few things I will undoubtedly do to you. I apologize for inadvertently making you self-conscious about your appearance your abilities. I apologize for not always taking your needs and wants into consideration when making decisions that affect you.

I apologize for not understanding your interests. I apologize for trying to force you to like my music. I apologize for not approving of your friends and significant others automatically. I apologize for being too overprotective. I apologize for putting your education ahead of any of your other interests. And I apologize for any other way in which I will undoubtedly hurt you over your lifetime.

There it is. I practice what I preach. That's how you apologize.

Love,

Dad

The Lowered Expectations of Soft Bigotry

Dear Lucia,

Your Granny and Pappy have some friends, J and K, that I have known since I was a kid. Pappy has known the couple forever. Your granny often walks with K in the park near where they live. Our families have done many, many things together. You grandparents even visited J and K at their time-share in Florida. These are old, family friends of your Granny and Pappy.

Normally, I wouldn't hesitate to introduce to two close friends like J and K, but something has changed. Well, maybe nothing has changed in J and K, but they have said things that make me believe that they would not be a positive influence on you. Let me explain...

There was a discussion about the current presidential election between Barack Obama and John McCain. J and K said that they could not vote for Obama because they believe him to be Muslim. While this is not true, Granny asked, "So what if he was?" Exactly, Granny.

This is what we call "bigotry." Bigotry is an intolerance of anyone who is different from one's self. While I cannot protect you from all bigotry, I can make some decisions to limit its place in your life. It is doubtful that you will meet J and K while I'm around. This makes me sad. They are normally good people, but I don't want bigotry to exist in your life.

Instead of meeting your grandparents' bigoted friends, I will do what I can to surround you with people who don't discriminate based on race, gender, sexual orientation, or religious beliefs. Of course, you may have to deal with such intolerance at some point in your life, but I don't want to to be the one who brings it into your life. I will introduce you to friends and family who have strong character, know right from wrong, and do not discriminate. If you want to know J and K, you'll have to ask Granny and Pappy about them.

I don't know if I have made it clear in this letter, but it should be noted that your grandparents are not like their friends. They raised me to accept people for the strength of their character, not their religious beliefs - actual or otherwise. The same goes for anything else that might make someone different from myself.

I will do my best to set a good example for you. Bigotry has no place in our home or family.

Love,

Dad

Baby Acne

Dear Lucia,

You have come down with a bad case of baby acne over the past week. This doesn't mean much to you now, but you will be devastated when you hit adolescence and your second wave of acne hits. Not to worry, it's thought that baby acne clears up in a few months. More than likely, it's a case of you mother's hormones still raging inside of you.

As mentioned above, this will not be the last time you deal with acne. Hopefully, your acne will be like ours: a mild nuisance that reoccurs periodically throughout life. Notice that I mentioned it will occur throughout life. Most people think it only happens during puberty, but you already know that is not true. Acne, to varying degrees, will happen for your entire life.

This is nothing to worry about. In our eyes, you are the most beautiful thing we've ever seen, but we are kinda biased. What will really matters is the kind of person you become. If you are kind, thoughtful, diligent, smart, quick, careful, responsible, responsive, caring, consistent, and respectful, it won't matter what you look like. People will judge you for your actions, not your appearance.

Now, keep in mind, this will not include the jerks in your middle school. They will tease you relentlessly for whatever they can find in order to cover up their own shortcomings. Of course, this is another letter for me to write at another time. For now, you should know that the acne will subside, but your character will define you forever.

Love,

Dad

There's Nothing Wrong with Love

Dear Lucia,

A while back, I wrote some blog posts about the music I wanted to play for you. Of course, that was before I knew you. I didn't know whether you'd like my music or not. I just wanted you to gain the same joy from music that I get every time I put on a record or see a band live.

So, tonight I played for you Built to Spill's 1994 classic There's Nothing with Love. Isn't that the greatest, most hopeful title for an album ever? You snuggled up in the Moby wrap while I swayed and danced to the record. We only made it through side A, but I could tell that the songs put you at ease. You recognized "Once" and "Car" from all the nights I sang you those songs.

Then, for the first time, you let me feed you through a bottle without much fuss. This is a big step since your mom needs a break every once in a while from the feedings. It's not that she doesn't love nursing you, but sometimes we all need a break.

You don't have to love this record, but you should know how much it means to me. The naivete and sense of wonder this album fills me is similar to how I feel when I watch you. Every day you seem to be more and more aware of the world around you. And every day, your mother and I fall more and more in love with you. I didn't think anyone (besides your mom) could make me feel the way a record like this does. I love this album, but I love you infinitely more, Lucia. And like I said, we are learning to love you more every day.

After all, there really is nothing wrong with love. Is there?

Love,

Dad

Binge Drinking

Dear Lucia,

I have a concern. I did not expect that we would have to have this talk so soon in your life. I mean, who has a chemical addiction at two weeks? However, I feel it necessary to discuss your binge drinking.

At first, you sipped a little here and there. It hurt your mother at times, until she was able to find ways to deal with it. Your drinking happened occasionally. It was even cute.

Then there were the late-night sessions that kept your mother up at all hours. You would drink so much that you'd pass out or even vomit everything you had ingested. This has gone on for a while and you should be aware of the effect it has had on us all.

Hopefully, once you start solid foods, your dependency on your mother's milk will subside. In the meantime, your friends at PETA will be very happy to know that you prefer human milk to that of cows.

Love,

Dad

Sarah Palin, Hillary Clinton, and 18 Million Cracks

Dear Lucia,

You don't know it yet, but you were born in one of the most significant years in our country's political history. For the first time ever, women have been a major part of the race for the presidency. Whether or not it happens in this year's election, it seems more than likely that a woman will be in the White House some time during your lifetime. Sadly, this has never happened before, but it could happen soon.

Hillary Clinton nearly became the first female nominee of a major party. She was narrowly defeated by Barack Obama for the Democratic nomination. More importantly, she earned more votes than any other runner-up in such a race. 18 million people actually voted for a woman for president. It was a tremendous accomplishment considering that there has never been a woman president or vice-president in our history. Clinton referred to the mark as 18 million metaphorical cracks in the glass ceiling that keeps women from getting on top of corporate or political ladders.

Even though Clinton did not break all the way through that ceiling, the Republican party has placed a woman on their ticket in the VP slot. Sarah Palin, the governor or Alaska, was chosen as John McCain's running mate. With this ticket, there is a guarantee of a first for the administration of our country. Either Barack Obama will become the first African-American president or Palin will become the first woman VP.

The only problem with all this is that Sarah Palin is nothing like Hillary Clinton. Clinton has actually fought for issues such as equal pay for women, while Palin has continually taken anti-feminist positions on women's issues. The sense is that McCain chose Palin more so because of her gender (and ultra-right-winged political stance), not her experience or know-how. It's actually more insulting to women to choose Palin for such political reasons. Palin is not qualified; Clinton was. Of course, we've had a male "president" for eight years that was seriously unqualified (see George W Bush), so why not have a unqualified woman?

The interesting development in this election is the attention paid to sexism. I fear that you will one day suffer from sexism, but hopefully the current dialogue will lessen that blow. When Clinton was still in the running, she was chastised for being too uppity or aggressive. She was criticized for not being feminine enough. (Whatever that means.) Now, Palin is receiving a lot of scrutiny for her appearance. No one wants to discuss the issues surrounding Palin, just her past as a beauty queen and hockey mom.

In all of this sexist political banter, the issues are lost. Forgotten is the political tenacity Hillary Clinton brought to the campaign in gaining 18 million supporters. Lost is that fact that Sarah Palin knows nothing of the Bush Doctrine and thinks foreign diplomacy means that you can see Russia from your porch. No one talks about the leadership Clinton has shown in her time as Senator. No one mentions that Palin is involved in ethics violations as governor. The only detail about these two politicians that matters is their gender.

My hope is that you will never be limited to your sex or gender (because they are two different things - more on that later). It's wonderful that you were born as a girl, and it will be wonderful whatever you decide to do with your life. I just don't want you to be pigeon-holed by some silly social construct. I want people to know Lucia for Lucia, because that will be good enough.

Love,

Dad

Scabs at One Week

Dear Lucia,

You are one week old today. The midwife weighed you and you are exactly the same weight (8 lbs 1 oz) as the day you were born. Another milestone was that your stub of an umbilical chord fell off in the bed.

You will have many scabs over your lifetime, but few will have the meaning and significance that the umbilical chord holds. That was the chord that connected you to your mother...well, to the placenta that was attached to your mother. That is how you received sustenance while in utero.

Speaking of connections, you mom's mom, Grandma Barb, flew in last night. You are a special grandchild to your Grandma Barb. It's not that she loves you more than your cousins. It's just that you are the daughter of her daughter. That's a special connection (even more so than the umbilical chord, which your grandma suggested we keep) that extends your feminine identity another generation. I know it seems confusing, but I expect that you will understand if and when you decide to have children of your own.

As far as my connection with you, we do some some things together in your first week of life. Since your mom feeds you all the time, I have taken it upon myself to help sooth you whenever necessary. You tend to like walking, bouncing on the birthing ball, and singing.

What do I sing to you? Well, I sing mostly music that is important to me. You really seem to like "Cut Your Hair" by Pavement...or at least Daddy's slow, twangy version. You also seem to like the Guided by Voices, Flaming Lips, Built to Spill, and Moldy Peaches songs I sing. Of course, I'm way off key and butcher many of the lyrics, but the songs seem to sooth you the same way they sooth me.

You and I will have many more conversations about these bands and others. Plus, we'll have many more things that will connect us. We don't have an umbilical chord, but we'll make due with what we've got.

Love,

Dad

They Say It's Your Birth Day

Dear Lucia,

You were born four days ago, September 11th. That date won't mean much to you as you grow older each year, but it was a significant day in our country's history. Although the date has brought so much joy to your mother and me, it is remembered by so many others for a terrible tragedy.

On September 11, 2001, a group of men coordinated a series of suicide plane crashes on various symbols of American capitalism, democracy, and military power. Two of the planes were crashed into two towers that were part of the World Trade Center in New York City. A third plane was crashed into the Pentagon, the US military headquarters. A fourth plane was supposed to crash into the White House, but the passengers inside were able to force it down into an empty field in Pennsylvania.

Nearly 3000 innocent people died that day. The American public was fearful, then outraged. Eventually, our leaders would use the day's events to propel us into wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. Wars that are still being fought as you live your first few days.

Although I feel very, very sad for all those people who were lost on that day (and those lost in the resulting wars), I was so happy that you arrived just this past September 11th. Your mom labored for over 31 hours just to see your face and to hear your voice. This September 11th made me forget all that suffering.

Now, 9/11 (as people like to call it) means so much more to me. September 11th is the day I received you. And for that I am eternally thankful. From now on, this day that caused so many so much pain will have a meaning of love and life for me. You are the reason for that change, Lucia.

Love,

Dad