Mother's Day

Dear Lucia,

I should have written this letter yesterday, but I was busy. Why yesterday? Well, Sunday was Mother’s Day. It’s a holiday intended to honor mothers everywhere. And if there is one thing everyone has, it’s a mother. And if there is one person everyone should honor, it’s our mothers.

I’m writing this letter to remind you just how much your mother means to you. You might not always believe that or remember, but I know what I see. Your face lights up whenever your mom enters a room. Conversely, you throw a terrible fit whenever she leaves. You have more fun bathing with, waking up to, being fed by, and playing with your mother than any other person in the world.

That includes me. Currently, I am #2 on your list. I’m OK with that, because I love my mother too. That and your mother is pretty amazing.

Anyways, when you hit that age – 3, 6, 10, 12, 16…whenever – you’re going to butt heads with your mother. You’ll wonder how you could have ever come from someone so mean and unable to understand you. When that happens, I want you to read this letter and remember the good times and all that your mother has done for you.

Love,
Dad

Pavement

Dear Lucia,

It's been a while since I've written you, but I thought I should remind you of the moment we shared this evening. Your mom left for a get-together and pilates tonight and the two of us stayed behind. Tonight, I played some music for you.

We listened to Pavement's Slanted and Enchanted, which sort of describes you at this point in your life. I actually own the vinyl version of this album, so you experienced the double treat of listening to one of the best albums of the past twenty years on the softer, earthier tones of vinyl.

We danced and you kicked a ton to side A. It occurred to me that "Summer Babe" is a perfect song for you. I can't wait to enjoy the summer with you. You'll be taking first steps and all of that. You will be my summer babe.

"Conduit for Sale!" caused you some discomfort, which it has always done for any girl/woman in my life - aside from your aunt. Luckily, the hook on "Zurich Is Stained" brought you back down. Well, it may have been the dancing in front of the mirror, but I prefer to think that you have a real appreciation for Pavement.

Side B, in my opinion, is the better side of Slanted. You responded appropriately with some rambunctious kicks and wide-eyed enthusiasm. You really responded well to "Two States" and "Perfume-V", but it was the break in "Fame Throwa" that really got you all riled up. Your good mood actually held up all the way to the end of the final track, "Our Singer."

This was your first official exposure to Pavement and it went well. You've heard random songs by your daddy's favorite band, but this is the first time we've sat down together just to listen to an entire album together. This won't be the last. You will become rather familiar with Pavement whether you like it or not.

You might like some pretty crappy bands over your lifetime, but Pavement will always be one of the first bands of your life.

Love,

Dad

Four Funerals and a Wedding

Dear Lucia,

Although you won't remember it, you have traveled to you mother's home of Detroit twice in a two-week period. The reason was a wedding and funeral. You have been to two of the more important events in your extended family's existence and you're barely two months old.

The fact is that your mother has a very large family. This means that you will have several more events like these to attend. Most of your extended family (including my half) live in the Great Lakes region (Michigan, Ohio, Pennsylvania, etc.), so you will become very familiar with this area.

The wedding was for you mom's cousin. Weddings bring people together as it is a celebration of two people who love each other and want to commit their lives to one another. Your grandparents have done it. Your mother (by the grace of god) married me. Your aunties Tara and Susan did it right before you were born. Lots of people do it. (Of course, some voters in California and other states only think certain people should have this right, but that's a letter for another time.)

It also celebrates the induction of a new family member. For example, when your mother and I got hitched, she became part of my family and I joined hers. Whether we like it or not, when we marry (or make some sort of formal commitment), we are also saying that we accept our loved one's family as our own.

This past weekend, we attended the funeral for your mom's grandfather. He was the patriarch of your Grandma Barb's clan. He was a great man whom your mother will tell you all about someday. It was a rather sad loss for the family to lose an important piece of its history.

Although the funeral was a sad affair, it was also very life-affirming. I attribute some of the happiness to you. Although your mom's family lost someone very dear to them, you entered and gave hope for the future. It also allowed the family to celebrate your arrival in dealing with their sadness. Just as the wedding from the previous week helped welcome a new family member, your birth and subsequent trips to Detroit signaled a new beginning for your mother's family.

So, you have a very important part in your Grandma Barb's family lore. There's nothing you have to live up to. You just have to live your life and be you. So, welcome to the family, Little.

Love,

Dad

Scabs at One Week

Dear Lucia,

You are one week old today. The midwife weighed you and you are exactly the same weight (8 lbs 1 oz) as the day you were born. Another milestone was that your stub of an umbilical chord fell off in the bed.

You will have many scabs over your lifetime, but few will have the meaning and significance that the umbilical chord holds. That was the chord that connected you to your mother...well, to the placenta that was attached to your mother. That is how you received sustenance while in utero.

Speaking of connections, you mom's mom, Grandma Barb, flew in last night. You are a special grandchild to your Grandma Barb. It's not that she loves you more than your cousins. It's just that you are the daughter of her daughter. That's a special connection (even more so than the umbilical chord, which your grandma suggested we keep) that extends your feminine identity another generation. I know it seems confusing, but I expect that you will understand if and when you decide to have children of your own.

As far as my connection with you, we do some some things together in your first week of life. Since your mom feeds you all the time, I have taken it upon myself to help sooth you whenever necessary. You tend to like walking, bouncing on the birthing ball, and singing.

What do I sing to you? Well, I sing mostly music that is important to me. You really seem to like "Cut Your Hair" by Pavement...or at least Daddy's slow, twangy version. You also seem to like the Guided by Voices, Flaming Lips, Built to Spill, and Moldy Peaches songs I sing. Of course, I'm way off key and butcher many of the lyrics, but the songs seem to sooth you the same way they sooth me.

You and I will have many more conversations about these bands and others. Plus, we'll have many more things that will connect us. We don't have an umbilical chord, but we'll make due with what we've got.

Love,

Dad